Vampiyaz (2004) Reviews

• One of the worst movies I have ever seen

  stufff112004-10-29

  I rented this because the title and box art just screamed "bad movie" and I was not disappointed. For blood effects, I noticed a wide variety of food products, including strawberry jam, red kool aid, and katsup. Gun shot effects, as the previous user put it, look as though they were made by poking holes through the film. Vampire are people with plastic vampire teeth. This movie looks like it was made with a camcorder, they can't keep the camera from wobbling and it's enough to make you feel sick. Acting is absolutely horrible. Dialogue probably wasn't scripted, but improved... badly. People screw up their lines and the camera keeps rolling as they repeat them two or three times until they get it right. In dialogue scenes outside where they cut back and forth between two people's faces while they talk, the background noise is different each time and there is a delay before each person talks so you can tell the conversation is segmented. There is a lot of completely random crap throw in, a guy eating a fly, a guy stirring up a bowl of blood (katsup) with a rubber severed hand and licking the blood (katsup) off the rubber fingers. There is a Deus ex machina every five minutes. Amulet that makes vampires invincible. Vampire killing task force. The main character is really good at cracking safes, and it just so happens that everyone in town uses the same exact safe. I can't list everything that was wrong with this film, because the entire film was just a complete disaster. If you love the art of bad film as much as I do, you'll love this one; rent it with friends. No nudity though, which is a shame because there were a couple really cute girls. This was in my top 5 list of the worst movies I've ever seen. I hope they make a sequel.

• This is without a doubt, the worst film ever created

  tymanley2005-04-30

  I cannot even fathom the words to use to describe the exact level of horrificness of this movie. The script could pass for something produced in a 3rd grade class for "special" kids and the plot is about as creative and interesting as the mound of feces my dog dropped off in the yard about an hour ago. Many of the special effects could have been done better in Microsoft Paint....by a blind idiot. I was in awe of such terrible spectacles, such as the guy who kept licking the blood of a plastic hand; the baseball interrogation scene; the lion-roar-esquire sounds the female vampires made; the blue muzzle flash from the guns; the girl in the wheelchair who seemed to just evaporate at the end leaving nothing behind but blood on the wall which was nothing more than water with red food coloring....seriously. But my personal favorite was the extremely awful "bomb" that consisted of a egg timer,a computer printer cable, and a bar of ivory soap.... what the hell? I can only hope that when I am on my death bed, that god gives me an additional 83 minutes of life to make up for the tragic display I had to witness. The creator should be ashamed of himself as he upset Mariah Carey for creating a worse film than Glitter, which in comparison could pass as Citizen Kane. Do yourself, an society a favor and go to your local video store and ask the man (or woman, for this politically correct world) for all the copies of Vampiyaz, then proceed to toss them into a raging inferno, and to never be viewed again by human eyes. But please remember to recycle the plastic melted goo left over, it should have never been used in such a train wreck of a movie. Christ, this movie made me mad, and it's making me mad right now knowing I took the time to write this review. This movie makes suicide seem like a day of fun. Have a nice day.

• This Blade is dull.

  nehesi2004-12-06

  Generally, even in the worst of films, I can find something positive to say - i.e. with 30 Years To Life, it had a good plot, with several unbelievable aspects to it, but it was good overall with decent acting. Like most viewers, I got sucked in by the box art, which promised a Blade-esque Black vampire flick. Well this movie is no Blade. This movie isn't even a *dull* Blade. This is easily one of the worst movies I have seen this year. The nicest thing I can say about it is that the music was pretty good - generally Hip-Hop soundtracks are limited at best, but the songs fit the movie well. Also, I really *liked* the in-jail sequence early in the movie, although the way it was shot makes it seem the character was only in jail in his mind (or its the world's least populated jail). Which makes the rest of the movie that much harder to bear. After the decent setup (the two main characters hit-and-run a girl after a botched robbery) the movie goes downhill, with bad special effects (forgivable with good writing/plot - see the Doctor Who TV series), bad writing (the interrogation scene with the baseball being the one exception - small flash of brilliance there!), bad editing (wait is he going up the stairs? down the stairs? Is there a room *on* the stairs, wait, somebody is shooting? What happened to the other guy on the stairs?), inane character actions(he gets the bling and WALKS DOWN THE STREET WITH IT *boggle*), unintentionally comical scenes (when the main vampire gets exposed to sunlight and dam near does the Harlem Shake or the levitating wheelchair scene at the end that should have been very emotional - and *would* have been in a better-written movie), feeble attempts at comic relief (the character that helped the main vampire or the throwaway line about the rap song when the two Vampire-hunter characters are in the car), horribly-shot action scenes (the final blurry, mis-edited fight scene) *sigh* Look, just avoid this one like the plague. I hope that the filmmakers take the time to study some more action flicks and improve their craft - I saw some good ideas at work in this movie, but they were ruined by really really really faulty execution.

• This is the worst movie I've ever seen.

  chakan22005-07-07

  Typically when sitting down to watch a low budget film, I have low expectations. This didn't even meet those. I think the DVD distribution cost more than the entire budget for the film. First off the acting was straight out of a high school play. I can't figure out how you could let some of those scenes through. No one had a decent scene in the entire movie (that's not a joke). OK, it's about vampires; you're not really looking for acting anyway. The special effects, well, also left over from a high school play, and in some cases condiments from lunch. The fight scenes were poorly choreographed and terribly acted out. The gun play is even worse. Look for the CG muzzle flares, big money. Finally, the story…garbage. I've seen 3rd grade kids write better plot lines and dialog (especially involving vampires). It would have been OK had they totally cheesed out and went for comedy, but it's not. It's an attempt at some serious scenes. It's uncomfortably bad, you can't laugh at it, but it's so very terrible. Stay away from this one, total waste of 2 hours.

• Oh this was a tough one to watch.

  EazySCT2004-09-21

  *spoilers galore* What atrainwreck of a movie. Surprisingly, the acting was actually pretty good. But everything else sucked. First scene they go to rob a house and a guy inside is sleeping in a bunny suit...? and then they kill him. OK. There are bombs attached to safes and the bombs consist of a kitchen timer and a printer cable (I recognized the LPT1 ports). SOmetimes the background sound is so loud (cars, etc) you can't hear the dialogue. All the main characters get killed within the first 15 minutes of the movie- WTF! People literally are laughing when they are being"eaten" by the vampires... huh? Some chick in a wheel chair gets spun around in circles by the mean vampires. A random guy on the street gets off his own bike and throws it on the ground. It's almost like they got some odd footage during the movie and decided they had to add it in... it made no sense. The vampire hideout is an old house with black garbage bags for curtains (I kid you not). Driving in the car at night they leave the dome light on to help with lighting. You can tell the "car" they are in is just a fake contraption that is bouncing up and down. All punches in the movie are accompanied by the old school He-man sound effect of "thwack". Yet believe it or not, the acting is actually good. I mean, very passable. The blood is horrible... it looks like pink water. Worst blood I have ever seen in my life. Halfway through the movie the main bad vampire is getting burned by sunlight and writhing on the ground and then in the VERY NEXT SHOT he is downstairs telling someone to go get an amulet- WTF!!!? ***ALL*** of the props look like stuff they got from Halloween Boo-tique in the mall.... all the amulets and treasures are made of plastic. It's hard to understand because stuff keeps happening for no reason. Like the thing with the guy just throwing his bike on the ground.... what? Hotel rooms have doorbell ringers on them...? And the weirdest part of all was that a guy reached behind his back to pull a gun out of the back of his pants and it was covered in poop, because I guess he got scared and crapped on it. WTF-ever!!!