UKM: The Ultimate Killing Machine (2006) Reviews

• military experiments

  wrlang2006-11-26

  The Ultimate Killing Machine is about four kids that are recruited as test subjects into a secret army program that will change them into killing machines. The procedure involves stem cell treatments that enhance the physical attributes of the subjects making them very powerful and also horny. The kids aren't aware that they are test subjects until they start coming back from training with holes in the back of their necks. They figure it isn't such good training when one of the original test subjects breaks free and reeks havoc throughout the installation killing everything in sight except the kids at first. The ultimate battle takes place and the results need to be seen. Relatively good acting, sick script, good cinematography and directing.

• Madsen, why have thou forsaken me???

  movieman_kev2006-12-11

  Military experiment on unknowing test subjects in this beyond lame heavily clichéd horror flick. Horrid acting, lousy special effects, a moronic plot line, and Michael Madsen collide in what can arguably be said is the worst movie I've seen this year. Mr. Madsen, did you really need the money this bad??? Tp make matters worse all of the characters are horribly annoying and make the minutes I wasted on this festering turd stretch on and on forever making it seem like an eternity. Make no doubt about it, this movie is bad with a capital B in every possible or conceivable way. My Grade: F

• lick the enemy...messed up adrenaline glands and sexual urges (don't get too excited, you won't even see a nipple) caused by spine drilling

  piotr_andronowski2007-01-07

  this was one of...no wait, THE worst movie ever made with a budget of about 1.99 CDN. whoever gave rated this movie above 3/10 must have been a) high b) dumber than Forrest Gump c) retarded beyond belief LICK THE Enemy LOL LMFAO Michael Madsen should be ashamed for being in this movie. did he have to pay off some mafia debt or what? i see no other reason for his appearance. i have just wasted an hour 25 minutes of my life watching this disgrace of a movie. i wish i saw some random commercials on TV instead.what a piece of junk. in fact i think my IQ lowered by 10 points after watching this movie. throughout the entire film i hoped that it would turn into a porno to make it at least somewhat interesting, but instead they had the beginning of a sex scene and guess what, the guy turns the girl down because HE does not know if it's really her who wants to bang him or if it was the "adrenaline gland" messing her up and making her have "sexual urges".

• As much fun as getting stabbed is, only more painful.

  humppatarzan2006-11-28

  I know it's always a bad sign, these days, to see Michael Madsen starring a movie. Even though he has been - and perhaps in some ways still is - a decent actor, he's been making a lot of bad B-movies lately and surprisingly, this is even worse than BloodRayne. He has come far from the days of Reservoir Dogs and both Kill Bills, but apparently lacking the sense of staying far enough from movies like this. First of all, this movie has an identity problem. It's like a compilation of all those clichés you have seen in about every other movie, but only worse. The movie begins like any other cheap scifi horror flick, where people are tested against their will by the US Army and some ketchup gets sprayed on the walls as your regular monster gets loose for a moment. Then we go into a teen comedy, where four teens act like they do in every other teen movie, all so rebellious. Since these teens are all scum, yet in different ways, they get the privilege to carry on for the rest of the movie. They hate each other and the army, then they hate a bit more, after the evil experiments they get away, get couple of totally incompetent guards beaten up, and then they bond and fight each other, while those same incompetent guards get killed by the monster from the intro sequence, losing their heads and faces, while Mr Madsen tries to figure out what to do with the old, crazy nazi and the lovely nurse. Luckily all three get killed by the monster. In the end there is supposed to be an explosion, but since the budget was pretty close to twenty bucks in the beginning, there's not even any cheap CGI in the movie, but just a flash with couple of booms. Oh, forgot to mention about that one girl, who got shot in her forehead. This movie lacks all the logic and even all the suspension, as you can only watch with your jaws open and wonder if you are supposed to be laughing at or just frightened about all those horrible things you see on the screen. Yes, the acting is horrible, the properties seem to be made by a six-year old Chinese, and since there is no script, I can't see why there was an add-on romance in this movie. Maybe it was an accident. To make it short, if you want to spend some time doing something totally useless, watch this film. It will make you feel better about your real life, as escapism this bad is surely worse than anything one could ever face in the real world.

• Coulda been a contenda

  lastliberal2008-04-22

  I got sucked into this because of Michael Madsen, who is working hard to get to his 200th film appearance. He may have well over a dozen appearances this year alone. This was not one of his best, but it was certainly in character and an easy paycheck. The Army is having problems finding soldiers. Instead of getting out of Iraq, they turn to scientists to develop the Ultimate Fighting Machine. Holy Universal Soldier Batman! Nothing original here. They experiment with a real war hero (Simon Northwood), but he is too advanced, so they recruit a jock, a nerd, a slut, and a neurotic virgin. War hero gets loose and carnage begins. There is a lot of blood; even a ripped off face, but there just isn't enough action to keep things interesting. The complete lack of titillation makes this a chase for the out of control machine while the new recruits run around trying to escape. It is probably in the Wat-Mart $5 bin right now. Save your money and watch Near Dark again.