Nuclear Hurricane (2007) Reviews

• Nuclear rubbish

  TheLittleSongbird2014-08-21

  Disaster movies can be entertaining, although the number of bad ones are too many to list, and the idea was interesting. But Nuclear Hurricane failed in every single way imaginable. Even for low-budget it looks cheap, very drab in lighting, grainy in the way it's shot and the editing is often sloppy at best. There is no better news about the special effects which look artificial and under-proportioned, if you are expecting an epic nuclear hurricane like the title promises you'll be disappointed, this hurricane didn't even rise above lukewarm. The music is very generic, you hear similar-sounding scores all the time and with much better pace and placement. The writing is really awful and was in serious need of a re-boot(pun intended) in Nuclear Hurricane, with very inane dialogue that has a lot of talk but entirely vacuous and sometimes irrelevant. There's even attempts at humour, and not only is the humour not funny at all, more tired than anything else, but it's most of the time placed inappropriately. Story-wise the movie is a complete slog, with sluggish pacing, padding that adds little(the pregnant woman subplot was not interesting and suffered some of the worst of the dialogue) and no tension or fun. It's also incredibly repetitive and has so many holes that you can drive the biggest ever truck through them, it's very difficult to be engrossed when the story is this confused(some scenes almost incomprehensible) and stupid. The characters are a cardboard and unlikeable bunch, especially the female sheriff, not many characters recently have got on my nerves but this character did. The most interesting character is the computer Staci, but even that character was derivative of Hal9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. The acting is poor, with no chemistry or sense that they cared about the jeopardy they were in, ranging from bland to overwrought. This is including Jamie Luner. All in all, awfully bad from start to finish with nothing good to say about it. 1/10 Bethany Cox

• For the love of God, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF!

  aliway2010-07-24

  I just found myself yelling at the television for the constant repetition of the two main characters, Linda (Jamie Luner), who's ex is on the island and appears to date the female sheriff, possibly I don't know, it appears like that, and Rusty (Jack Scalia). But let's start at the beginning. What takes place is a poor version of '2001: A Space Odyssey', with the HAL 9000 being replaced by a computer called Staci. Linda and Rusty need to reboot the backup system, but the code they were given activates Security Protocol 13 (SP13), which makes Staci go berserk. Now the repetition. Now, before doing the reboot Rusty tells Staci to lock the doors to the building. Why they do this I don't know. How they can do this when there's no...proper computer software on the doors, apart from keyholes, I don't know. Now get this, when Security protocol 13 kicks in, Staci doesn't do anything the lead characters do, for example, shutting down the protocol and rebooting the backup system. So, Linda tries to leave to pick up her ex so he can fix the situation, forgetting they locked the doors. So we then get the characters asking Staci to unlock the doors, which can't be done because SP13 denies their authority, and they can't get shut it down because they don't have authority, they can't call for help because of SP13, and repeat. Despite this Linda tries getting through doors MULTIPLE TIMES, only getting the same response. Because the first hundred times worked before. Then the building has retinal scanners which Staci decides to ignore. So Linda, if the retinal scanners don't work, STOP TRYING TO USE THEM! And then asking Staci to unlock the door only leads to the same freaking thing she told you before! Now, the title of the film is misleading. A nuclear hurricane. That sounds awesome and terrifying. We get a normal hurricane. Nowhere near nuclear. A threat is what we get. I WANT A NUCLEAR HURRICANE! THAT'S WHAT THE FILM PROMISED ME! And then we have plenty of...terrible, terrible things. A pointless sub-plot of a woman giving birth, a sub-plot of Linda stealing Rusty's job, like 'Lava Storm' the settlement (an island) has an unlikely population of 9, vent shafts are not real sized (no-one builds them that big), the characters don't bother covering the camera because this might "piss her off" (though by all regards covering up the camera DOES NOT TURN OFF THE MICROPHONE!) a maintenance guy who doesn't really do much but try doors after being told they're locked, and, get this Linda trapped in a air vent in 135 degrees. We're not told whether it's 135 degrees Fahrenheit or 135 degrees Celsius, but she should have died, but nooooo. She jokes around by asking out the computer. WHAT THE HELL? That's it, I'm wrapping up. This film is terrible, it makes no sense the dialogue is terrible, it repeats itself endlessly, we don't care about the characters, it repeats itself, the acting is wooden, it repeats itself and I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

• Bad, bad, bad

  Leofwine_draca2015-02-10

  The title makes this sound like one of those dodgy disaster flicks knocked out by The Asylum but I'm afraid to say that NUCLEAR HURRICANE is even worse: it's a film with two separate story lines, one involving a renegade computer at a nuclear plant and the other involving a hurricane, that have zero to do with each other despite the scriptwriter's attempts to stitch the two strands together. This is badly written indeed, a film that jumps all over the place with characters and sequences and makes little sense as a whole. There are whole interludes which are just put there to try to drag the running time out to make this reach feature length, and of course that makes for a very boring film. At least it's adequately shot, but given Fred Olen Ray's copious genre experience I wouldn't expect otherwise. What's notable here is that the script contains some truly abysmal humour, and the actors can't help but deliver it in a most stilted way. I even felt sorry for them on occasion. The hurricane stuff is so routine it's not even worth mentioning, but the 'evil' computer stuff is a little more fun, 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY rip-off though it is. Jamie Luner and Jack Scalia are really slumming it here. One thing the other reviewers didn't mention is that the film features Gil Gerard and Erin Gray teaming up on-screen together after their roles in the fondly-remembered BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY, although both have aged so much that you could be forgiven for not recognising them.

• As seen on Telefutura's "Cine De Las Estrellas" (which ain't a good thing)

  keith_xyz2012-07-04

  I discovered this movie on Telefutura, which is one of the few channels I can watch movies when I'm too broke for cable. Needles to say, I masochistically choose to watch their cinema like the Mads sadistically choose their cinema for Joel or Mike on "Mystery Science Theater 3000." It's a good thing there are commercials and it's in Spanish so I don't have to learn & understand the (lack of a) plot. "Nuclear Hurricane" stars Jamie Luner, the beautiful red-haired C-list actress you may remember from "Just the Ten of Us," "Melrose Place," & "Profiler." I only saw the last hour of the film, but I think it was just enough for me to give this the negative rating it deserves. I presumably missed the "good parts," which may involve the hurricane & tumbling CGI boulders. What I did see was Luner & that guy from "All My Children" trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown or something. & like in many movies or TV shows, they had to traverse air ducts large enough to accommodate one person. This gimmick always exploits the physique of the thespians as Luner displays some cleavage but unfortunately no butt shots. It's as if this awful film still has to be taken seriously somehow. & also there is some creepy villainous robot like Hal 9000 (here it's called "Staci.") From what I saw, Luner fell unconscious either from the heat in the vents or lack of air & that soap opera guy had to save her & a welder's involved. Add to that two people in another scene assisting in delivering a woman's baby in said hurricane to complete that long, boring hour. I'd be really masochistic if I weren't playing the Wii on another TV. Incidentally I saw this on the Third of July; on the 4th of July & on many other holidays, Telefutura airs a marathon of movies. I assume "Nuclear Hurricane" was really too crappy to be put in that lineup for those who live in states where you can't buy fireworks & literally can't stand the heat. "Nuclear Hurricane" is like "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter": when it comes to unusual film names, WYSIWYG. &WYG is a horrible movie. Thank you, Telefutura for motivating me to write a review which I haven't done in awhile. I'm being sarcastic, of course, but it's good to get it outta my system. Happy 4th of July, yall!

• It's as if a nuclear-powered Trite-Writer 3000 went idiotic

  zyzyb2k2012-01-03

  One cliché after another that fuels some awful acting. There is a lame attempt at a lesbian relationship, that would make any lesbian cringe. The programmer keeps trying to hit on the heroine, her partner, the sheriff. There is a hurricane and the probability of a nuclear plant meltdown, yet the 'maintenance man' is more concerned with eating and his lunch break - right up to the last five minutes of this disaster. A woman gives birth in a barn in the middle of a hurricane and immediately thereafter is able to run briskly up the road to a house as if she had just made toast where she, the sheriff, and the clueless programmer are met with, "oh a baby!" I won't waste the reader's time writing about the dreadful writing, acting, editing, production (de)-values in this waste of film. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!