Altered Species (2001) Reviews

• Bland characters, bad script, horrible special effects, and an apparent hatred for the viewers...

  DrClayForrester2004-02-20

  Every so often, while strolling through the aisles of the local video store, the unsuspecting consumer will spot something out of the corner of his eye that almost shouts, "LOOK AT ME!!! I'M WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!!!" In my own particular case, this is exactly what happened. I had visited the local Blockbuster with my lovely and talented assistant, Noodles, in search of a movie so painfully stupid, so insipid, that I could sit through the entire thing without the slightest bit of sympathy for the so-called heroes. "Altered Species" (packaged this time around as "Rodentz") is just such a film. So loathsome were its main characters that I found myself hoping, almost praying, that these brick-stupid chunkheads would fall victim to the leader of the rats - a six-foot critter that looks like a guy in a bear suit that has seen better days. But I'm getting ahead of myself. "Altered Species" stars no one and features little more. It's lead actors - okay, it's ONLY actors - all look vaguely familiar, but you can't place the faces. If I had to guess, I would say that at least one of them has asked me, personally, if I "want fries with that." The story, such as it is, revolves around a group of drunken people who visit their scientist friend, Walter, at the laboratory where he works with a cranky old guy who is continuously yelling at him that "the formula is FINE!" During Walter's initial scenes, we get a taste of the back story, and it seems that clumsy Walter accidentally lets a crate full of lab rats loose in the building's basement. These rats, in turn, have been drinking from the experimental formula that they had previously been injected with. After the cranky guy's cat (a cat?!? In a science lab full of rats?!?) disappears, he goes off to find him, and bad things happen to him. Walter, brick-stupid dolt that he is, doesn't find it the least bit suspicious that his boss also disappears, and proceeds to let his idiot friends in, where they can swill tequila from a plastic gallon jug. The friends are typical - almost cardboard cutout-like - horror film fodder, and it's not long before you begin hoping the rats get fed up with them and start eating them. It is not long before our prayers are answered. Without giving away too much about this film, I think I can safely say that most of the people that deserve to die, do. I would say ALL of the people who deserve to die, but that wouldn't have left anybody to whimper and limp off into the sunset at the end of the film (as is required for this sort of flick). Of course, with any horror film that feels it is worth its weight in celluloid, there is an obligatory nude scene, but it is played in such a way that the viewer isn't even given any gratification on that front, either. The girl is a sleazy tramp, and the guy is dumber than a box of hair. It was like watching Sylvester Stallone during his pre-Rocky, Death Race 2000 days, trying to get lucky with one of Calvin Klein's anorexic, heroine-addicted underwear models. Fortunately, the girl stops the greasy butt-steak from violating her long enough to ask if he has a condom. He doesn't, and a trip to the van downstairs is required. While the big, dumb lump rifles through the glove box, his beloved skank is having her face eaten by the above-mentioned six-foot rat. Stupid? Yes. Banal? Without a doubt. A waste of money? Absolutely. But... Er... Okay, I was going for something here, but I don't remember what it was. Suffice to say, this is a not-good movie. Not a "bad" movie, mind you. Those are at least watchable on some level. A not-good film is sort of like setting your shirt on fire - fascinating at first, but you're going to end up hurting when it's finished.

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• why?

  dmusucksdonkey2008-02-26

  I enjoy quality crapness, and this ranks up there with some of the finest. the cg is out of this world, or at least pre-dates our world, and the insanity of a 6 foot bloke in a rat outfit chasing after people is laughably bad. I quite enjoyed some of this, but the acting is so goddamn awful, and even the obligatory nude scene doesn't really have any baps out in it. just a complete waste of time if ever i saw one. I don't know who wasted more time, me watching this, or the poor saps who got dragged into making it in the faint hope that this will launch their acting careers. I can assure you, it wont. However, on a brighter note, I have managed to successfully do the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon from this movie, so I think it was almost worthwhile watching the 91 minutes of it.

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• Rat Lovers Rejoice!

  DarkAnnie2005-06-15

  This movie starts out with a guy pouring glow stick goop down a sink. Any movie that starts out with glow stick goop is OK in my book! (Let's hear it for ReAnimator!) Okay, this is a really, really bad movie. The characters, script, and acting are not worth mentioning. But it's full of RATS! Loads and loads of RATS! Lots of close-ups of their cute little ratty faces. Lots of images of adorable rats running here and there. If you're a rat fan, you'll dig it. Then there are the rat attacks. Simply sublime. Shaky camera work, girls tossing their hair around, people screaming wildly as rat puppets "chew" on their body parts, people holding fat, bewildered pet rats up to their throats and shrieking. If you're not giggling by the end of the first demise, you're in a coma. (And there's actually a fairly decent "chewed off face" effect at one point. I suspect they spent all their money on that effect. And on rat chow.) And then, there's the giant rat. YES, what a surprise, there's a giant rat. Sometimes it's a giant rat puppet, or a disembodied tail dragging around. But the VERY BEST part comes at the end, when you get a good look at the whole rat. IT'S A GUY IN A RAT SUIT! I laughed so hard I sprayed diet Dr. Pepper through my nose and hit the dog from five feet away! *Spoiler. Like anybody cares.* It gets better. They set the giant rat on FIRE. Yes, we get a flaming giant rat. Then the flaming giant rat is riding around on top of a van, which is pretty amusing. Then it falls INTO the van, where it appears to be driving it. I was lying on the floor howling with laughter and rolling around in my popcorn by the time this movie ended. I gave this flick zero stars as a horror film, but ten stars as a "stay up all night watching really bad movies and drinking beer with your buds" flick. I intend to add it to my Giant Rat Movie Marathon party this summer. SQUEAK!

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• Not all that bad killer rodent movie

  slayrrr6662005-09-26

  "Rodentz" is an all-right creature feature. **SPOILERS** After discovering that his boss,' Professor Irwin, (Guy Vieg) new formula is a failure, Walter, (Allen Lee Haff) discards it down the drain. When Professor Irwin comes to check on him, and inquires about the work he's supposed to have done. As he continues working, his friends Alicia, (Leah Rowan) Gary, (Richard Peterson) Burke, (Derek Hoffman) Chelsea, (Alexandra Townsend) and Frank (David Bradley) go over to the lab where he works to take him out partying. When they get there, he informs them that the test rats have been acting weird all day. Worse, the staff at the lab is disappearing, and the lab rats they've been testing on have gotten bigger. Fearful that giant rats are on the loose inside the lab, Walter locks it down, much to their dismay. Splitting up to go find the lost rat, the group is slowly picked off one-by-one by a giant rat. Down now to only a few survivors, they now have to face off against the vicious rodent to get out of the lab alive. The Good News: It's weird to say this, but this wasn't an all that bad movie. What I really liked the most about it was that the film kept up some high level of suspense all the way through, once we've discovered the threat. The fact that all of the elements of suspense come together in these last twenty minutes are a rare fact that not too many films of its type are like: people you care about trapped together in a cramped area with a known killer. The actions of the group, the situations that they get into, and even the music itself all make it an effective amount of time. In fact, the last twenty minutes are easily highlights of the film. It has the traditional suspense scenes as well as plenty of action and tons of gore. In fact, there is lots of gore splattered throughout the film. I was actually surprised. We get several people eaten alive by the rats, one other has his eyeball pulled out, another has half their face eaten away, and another is decapitated. There is still more though, and that is what was so surprising. There is a great dignity in having a very low-budget film with an ending that comes completely by surprise. I really do enjoy the last thirty minutes of this great film. The Bad News: The low-budget really shines through in the special effects of the film. There are only a few gags that are believable in the film, and with so many of them, that can be a bit of a downer. It can seriously detract from the enjoying of the film. Also, the design of the giant rat and its execution is almost as laughable as the plot and the acting in the film. I really don't know what else I can comment on, as I did enjoy this one. The Final Verdict: I really don't know what to say; I liked this one. It definitely falls in as a guilty pleasure and it is a film that not all will want to see. Check this out if you're in the mood for a giant killer rodent film, as well as those that like a lot of cheese with their movies and don't take whatever they see with a grain of salt. Rated R: Graphic Violence, Brief Nudity, and the after-affect of violence against animals

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• one big rat

  kairingler2008-11-10

  well after watching this i can say that it ain't the worst movie ever made,, yes folks there is worse than this,, there are some good points to the movie,, you get to watch drunken teenagers, have horrible deaths,, and cute looking rats eating some science experiment, and getting grotesquely huge,, the drunk janitor,, the cranky doctor,, and yes a girl in thong underwear that has absolutely no shame,, dumb jocks,, i could'nt personally wait for the rat to eat these drunken fools,, i was rooting for the rat the e ntire time,, it had a good premise,, the first part of the movie,, was interesting though with the scientific explantation about the rats,, and the little back story,, but i think that it ruined when the dumb drunken horny teenagers come into play,, the rat in my opinion, the one that get's lost,, her name is Brenda, was so fake,, must have been a cGi rat,, looked like a guy dressed up in a beaver suit,, this was pretty schlocky, lame,, but not totally horribble,,

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