31 North 62 East (2009) Reviews

• Not one shot fired

  Dialahit2011-12-06

  This movie stinks of something that flies hover around. I mean it really is not a good movie in any shape or form. The script is unbelievable, the acting is questionable and the atmosphere is, well, got flies hovering around it. Because of my strange fascination with clanger B movies such as "Plan 9 from Outta Space" my brother suggested I should watch it. So first impression is that it is in the mould of a B movie or a made for TV type. I found myself laughing out loud at some of the scenes such as the torture of the female SAS officer (what the **** is a female doing in the SAS). Yeah, she's one tough bitch holding out for days before she even admits being in the military and come on Mr nasty torturer dude. What's he got up his slippery sleeve. Is it the rack, a high voltage wire on the nips or just a good old fashioned shoe to the head for breakfast. No it's none of those, instead he has watched Blue Peter and made himself some little flags on pins taken from his mums sewing box where he proceeds to stick them in the tough girls nails. Why did he not give her a nice manicure while he's at it. Despite an SAS lady we have the same AK47 that finds itself in the hands of different factions throughout the film (and never gets fired). A British Prime Minister who's over acting almost made me wee my pants. Italian special forces clad in ill-fitting clothes and obviously not Italian nationals. A countries national security system that is easily accessible through Google and the SAS lady's sister (same actress with a wig on) who is an expert hacker, pilot, Special Forces assault expert, pharmacist and prime time TV presenter. There really are too many bad scenes to mention. I missed so much through tears and burying my head yet I am glad I experienced the film. It's not all bad. The French secret service lady was quite fit, the producers did budget a helicopter for the assault on the empty farm and on the opening scene I particularly admired the fonts spelling 31 East 62 North (just in case you forgot what you sat down to watch).

• serviceable TV level thriller of venal government corruption

  mkham62010-10-24

  This movie starts out with a corrupt Brit PM giving away the position of some Brit soldiers in Afghanistan who supposedly killed the Saudi king's jihadi nephew, to his assistant in exchange for not canceling an $80 billion arms deal. They are expendable grunts in the kind of brutal treacherous exchange that one could imagine happening, but immediately, the figure is outlandish- no single arms deal has ever been $80 billion- America has probably given that much to Israel in the last half century. John Rhys-Davies of Lord of the Rings is almost too over the top as the blustery bastard PM, casually dispensing with the lives of his underlings, as the plot unravels. The coordinates of the title are annoyingly round numbers- military units don't travel 40 miles just to get to even numbered GPS coordinates. Heather Peace plays Capt. Jill Mandelson, captured by oh so evil Taliban as the only survivor after her commando unit is wiped out, and later also as her twin sister in Britain. The torture scenes are the lamest and most unpleasant of the movie and the whole thing drags there- she is soooo tough, she takes months to just give up her name, claiming to be a CNN reporter. While relatively slickly shot, it has the look of a TV movie- Peace has starred in multiple TV series- London Burning, Coronation St, The Chase, and sometimes waxes too arrogant and self-confident. French Intelligence are the heroes of this flick (a nice touch, considering all the grief they received from America for being right about Iraq), monitoring the betrayal, attack, capture; then arranging Mandelson's rescue through their extensive Middle East contacts. Aurélie Bargème is quite credible and appealing as the sexy, cool, concerned French agent injecting some decency into the stew. Back in England, Mandelson is ordered killed by the King's adviser, because the PM, finding the "guilty" soldiers were already aboard the Nimitz, gave them the coordinates of another unit, and the PM again dubiously obliges to help in her domestic assassination lest the King wreak vengeance on his adviser for the foul-up. Almost bailed out on this in the first 15 minutes, but it gets better as the plot moves along. Her sister, an ex-Intelligence operative, discovers what is happening, with the aid of French Intelligence, and sets up an elaborate wildly implausible plot to kidnap the PM's assistant- Sarah, played by Marina Sirtis (Councilor Deanna Troi of Star Trek) and torture her live on the Internet with a slow-acting poison. Over a day, Sis somehow demands apologies for Gulf War Syndrome and the Invasion of Iraq, without ever getting to the pointed question of her sister till the assistant is 1½ hours from death. Luckily she's a computer whiz, so all the PM's men can't find her, but wouldn't they simply immediately yank the live TV network coverage? Director-producer Tristan Loraine, a former airline pilot and documentary producer, deserves credit for at least allegorically calling attention to the monstrous lies used to start the Iraq War, which still provokes great rage in Britain and have engendered a serious investigation of Tony Blair. In America it has been whitewashed and categorically ignored by the media, Congress,and Obama- it is simply not mentioned, but there is a deep subterranean sickness at the vicious manipulation and betrayal by Bush and the neo-cons to start that misbegotten invasion, and the vast cost it has entailed in lives and treasure- now estimated at $2-3 trillion, with 30 years of disability payments. Still, this is a weak movie- save your movie minutes for something a bit more edifying.

• The road to war

  Prismark102014-12-15

  This is not in the league of Plan 9 from Outer Space bad but the film does have problems although I have to admire the writer's and director's enthusiasm. The film decides it wants to make a political point about illegal wars and the machinations of the New Labour type British Prime Minister. However instead of presenting us with a Tony Blair clone we have an over the hill John Rhys Davies playing a gruff Yorkshire PM. Gosh we have not had one of those for 40 years in the UK since Harold Wilson called it a day. I realise Davies in real life is a right winger who probably frothed at the mouth of New Labour occupying Downing Street and introducing legislation such as Human Rights Act and the Minimum Wage but he is all wrong in the days when our leaders tend to be youngish Oxbridge types. Anyhow why pick on Blair? The Afghanistan and Iraq wars were voted by all the politicians in the House of Commons and they decided to go to war based on the facts they had and its the politicians own fault if they opted not to be more questioning. In fact why drag Iraq into it? As far as the plot is concerned it's set in Afghanistan, remember the place that was a training a ground for Al Qaeda that led to 9/11. The nephew of an Arab king has been killed there. Little mention is made as to what he was doing in Afghanistan. It has to be assumed he was visiting a terrorist training ground. The British PM in order to safeguard a £80 billion (Yes that is supposedly an accurate figure) arms deal with the Arabs the British PM betrays the army unit that killed the nephew. Strangely I cannot remember New Labour doing any such thing. But, never mind let's remember the films wants to critique illegal wars. We then have a torture scene in Afghanistan which is concerning and slightly bizarre as to the torture methods used seems to consist of acupuncture. Well if you have Afghans torturing a British servicewoman (which includes threats of rape and amputations) you are really going to get the viewers on your side with your anti illegal wars agenda aren't you! Back to the film the servicewoman confesses that she is not a reporter but SAS. She is released and the PM in order to cover his tracks orders her to be killed by the Arabs. The Arabs in this film have an undercover group of busty Arabic assassins who pose as whores and one easy on the eye killer assassin has been tasked to carry out the deed. Our servicewoman also happens to have a twin sister who decides to look into this further. It just happens to be convenient that a French outfit have been bugging the the Arabs, the PM and tells the twin sister about the dastardly deeds of the British government. The twin kidnaps the PM's spin doctor (Marina Sirtis) and tortures her live on TV via a snake venom. The PM sends more people in to find the twin and also eliminate the spin doctor as she knows too much. On the plus side the film has managed to fit several shots of cleavage. You would have thought in a past life the director made Carry On films. As far as politics is concerned it's naive to the extreme. The plot is immensely silly and the low budget means that the PM is wondering around in a country house, the type that tends to be used in porno films which is probably the reason how they managed to acquire some of the busty ladies I presume. If ever there was a list of 100 worse British films of modern times this would be a contender but might luckily it might find itself lucky to be excluded because there are worse British films than this. Thankfully there are a few familiar faces and the lead actress who plays twin sisters is a familiar face having appeared in programs such as Waterloo Road.

• British over the top version of American 90's version actioner

  yeodawg2011-04-21

  The French chick had some Bigg Uns This is a British version of American 90's over the top STR8 to video X-files DTA and don't trust your government 911 Fahrenheit slop with over the acting, revenge romp. If you were expecting some intelligent erudite merchant ivory thingamabob. You will be sadly disappointed.. The problem with this movie is its about 10 years too late. We've grown and educated ourselves since then. The British Prime minister isn't anything like Tony Blair or Prince Williams he's an over the top caricature of a James BOND super-criminal mastermind (No Mr. BOND I expect you to Die!). He's so over the top he makes the ARAB royalty and jihads seem like sane reasonable individuals in comparison. Another thing this whole film seemed as if it was filmed at some plush English manor including the Afghanistan parts. Oh and dressing up Arabs in British uniforms doesn't make them Italian Special Forces, it just makes them JIHADIST stunt doubles who have to work twice as hard to earn their checks. One thing the women in this film were flat stomached, flat butted, but not flat chested. I'm not saying they were whipping around 48DD, but they filled some bras here. Even the buff kick-boxing trainer, and political aid MILF also had a nice set. What this film lacked in action it more than made up for in BOOBALAGE You found this review

• Could've been an excellent tom Clancy movie

  Eddie_weinbauer2017-01-07

  Just very weakly executed for a movie. The premise for the story line is really excellent.A British PM selling out and SAS team for the benefit of an arms deal with some sheik whom, lost his son in the Iraq afghan war. But they have gone about it very poorly and half hardheartedly,sadly. Too much stuff should've never made it into the final print,simply cause it's over selling it. There's a lot of back and forth between a twin sister and something.Part of it seem like it's a flashback to the past.(I never could quite make out what it was) John Rhys-Davies Is a bit over the top as British Prime minister,but still quite good. Heather peace seem a bit out of shape,she get winded real fast(Not sure if that's her character or her) .But she still deliver a good performance,with whats she got to work with. Some scenes could've been shorter in order to fasten the pace of the film I would love to see a remake of this,cause the thriller aspect of the story is quite excellent.But it also touches on a very sensitive subject,which is why I think it's a low budget movie, instead of something bigger.