Parlor (2015) Reviews

• Hostel Ink presents abundance of sex, gore, and little else. Horror fans may appreciate the carnage, the rest and fainthearted might want to steer clear.

  quincytheodore2015-05-13

  Plenty of exotic location and culture to explore, yet Anarchy Parlor still ends up with typical dumb college kids encounter with danger as its main plot. There are so few of likable characters as they are spewing profanities as replacement for acting, these guys are true representative of swag generation. Thankfully, the lead Robert LaSardo is physically and verbally convincing. Fans of the genre might find the gore very uniquely adequate, the shameless fanservice nudity is surprisingly good as well. Set in Lithuania, a group of dumb college kids fornicate and party a lot until they happen to stumble on a tattoo parlor. The Artist (Robert LaSardo) is strange yet philosophically suave, unbeknownst to them he also harbors a sinister secret. Fans might recognize this set-up from Hostel, and to be frank, there's not much else here. Aside from The Artist himself, the rest of characters are tediously uncharismatic. Script is filled with curse word as though the movie tries to set a record of cursing per minute. At times these guys and girls make decisions so horrible it's mind-boggling they are not shanked by random people yet. Not to mention one particular girl screamed so unbelievably annoying, I rooted for the bad guy to finish her and end my misery. It's not an understatement that the characters are mirror image of Jersey Shore cast. What separate Anarchy Parlor are the detailed bloody sequences it presents. Make-up and practical effect like the blood work are disgustingly good down to all the nasty bits. It's not the typical slasher flick mayhem, but a lot more of solemn cutting action, the movie revels in it. There are also tons of sex scene and nudity, which are honestly good. This might just be the level of softcore production value. I guess that merits more point in rating. As the screenplay is lackluster, a decent performance by the lead doesn't negate the rest of the loud bickering, it's quite hard to recommend this to casual audience. Furthermore, the gore is exclusively sickening. Anarchy Parlor is designed especially for horror fans only, the rest needs not enter.

  More

• Robert LaSado saves it from being a total dud

  Seth_Rogue_One2016-07-07

  A very simple 'lure tourists into a dodgy place in order to do despicable things to them' type of horror. Overall the acting is poor but Robert LaSado is the saving grace here (you might not recognise his name but you've most likely recognise his face). I mean he can't make you care for the other characters fate of course (being that most of them are such poor actors and very duchy you kind of feel like they deserve to die... in the movie that is) and it doesn't ever really get scary for the same reason (and plot and directing etc of course as well) but Robert LaSado is an effective bad guy and with any lesser actor this could have flunked completely. But the Gothic atmosphere is pretty cool as well, and plenty of eye-candy (the women most likely got their roles for their willingness to appear nude more than their acting-abilities... but then they are no worse than the other guys). So yeah definitely nothing you need to see but nothing you have to absolutely avoid either, if it's on TV one late night or so.

  More

• Meh...

  DogFilmCritic2016-11-14

  This is What i have to say about this movie, interesting premise and painful acting. Its trying to make a cross between saw and hostel but the result ends up a mess there Is nothing that stands out besides some gory scenes and a bunch of cliché characters its a very generic. The only actor that's stands out Is Robert Lasardo if you seen a lot of 90s action movies you probably stumble with him as a henchmen he Is that guy full of tattoos with one liners( a discount Danny Trejo if you will)i have to admit this guy can actually act and his passion for tattoos can be shown this role was meant for him and he nailed it. Honestly don't waist your time even if Lasardo Is good in this, its probably the only good thing in it.

  More

• Mind-numbingly awful

  fairlesssam2017-07-29

  A group of friends on holiday in Lithuania end up in trouble, as two of their party venture to a backstreet tattoo parlour, with a stranger, after a night of partying. This film is a missed opportunity. The lead actor is superb and the cinematography is also very good. The acting of the rest of the cast however is pretty awful. The constant screaming and babbling of the girls is beyond grating. The story is not developed particularly well, and as the tattooist starts to torture his victims all we have is screaming, begging, moaning and sobbing of the irritating fashion known to man. Other than the tattooist himself the characters are not likable, their relationships and personalities are not developed. They are all just completely annoying.

  More

• At least there's Robert LaSardo

  michael-32042016-04-25

  Grim, amateurish little torture porn bauble set in a Vilnius tattoo parlor, only slightly elevated by a menacing performance from Robert LaSardo as "The Artist." He's the only thing worth watching here, despite the lovely location, which this film wastes. The other performances are so appalling and the dialogue so unimaginative that it's hard to tell how much of it was improvised -- on one hand, I can't imagine anyone writing this garbage out and thinking, "Yeah, that sounds right;" on the other, all the characters (The Artist excepted) sound exactly alike, even with multiple accents, each as aggressively unlikable and inarticulate as the next. A film called "Anarchy Parlor" might reasonably be expected to deliver some inkling of wild imagination, some hint that the filmmakers understand transgression. This predictable, mundane mess fails to deliver.

  More