Knights of the Damned (2017) Reviews

• Truly dreadful, the worst, a bad version of a bad movie

  tonypates2017-10-05

  I love a bad movie, this is a bad movie, but not the sort to be enjoyed. It has taken elements that are currently popular and shoe horned them in to a movie very poorly. Even a porno version of Game of Thrones or Walking Dead (Series that this is trying to be) would have more story to follow than this. I was initially hooked in by how awful the first scene was, it's truly awful but is funny. Slo mo was used on everything, someone had brought a camera that can do 120fps and they were making sure they were going to use it. There is a clip of the guy slipping on a rock in super slow mo only for it to turn out to be nothing… slipping on a rock…. totally pointless. This is how I felt about most of the content of this movie thereafter, it shows us something only for it to be pointless. There was loads of stock footage of bears and wolves in completely different environments adding nothing to the story (if you can call it that), just put in there for the trailer perhaps. It feels like every part of this film was done on the cheap, like it was some sort of 'Challenge Anika' attempt, where they have 24 hours to make a film from start to finish with just the contents from an old garage to use as props and GCSE students to help out. I did feel very sad at one point upon seeing the old Blue Peter presenter Tim Vincent had lowered himself to acting in the film. Part of me feels he was only brought in to exploit Blue Peter skills to make some of the paper mache props. The biggest moment and shock in the film was that it's the first in a trilogy or at least it thinks it is. If they get the funding for another one of these, then everyone should buy themselves a camera with slow-mo functionality and have a go at making a truly terrible movie of their own. In summary, it's bad, really really bad… seriously, just terrible.

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• Well...

  jesummers2017-09-27

  Here's the thing. The main/lead actors were god awful. No effort put in and sounded/looked as though they were reading the script for the first time there and then! Maybe they were? Clearly this was a money grab which is a shame because maybe this film could have been something had they put the effort, time but most importantly passion in. A fellow reviewer mentions the "bar scene". Yes, it was pretty awful but I thought the supporting artists (or extras) did a better job than the main cast. In fact, in all the scenes the extras did better. That's saying something. The main actors should be embarrassed of their panto- style acting. Why they were cast, who knows?! The camera work was shoddy and this whole film is offensive to indie film and passionate film makers. I'm only giving it a 4 because I know some (not all) of the extras actually put the work in and cared about the film.

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• Really?

  michaelchandler452017-09-27

  This film was bloody awful. There's really no other way to describe it. Just bloody awful and that's putting it mildly. I mean how does something this amateurish and sad even get funded or distributed? It makes absolutely no sense. None of the actors, if you can call them that, had the talent of your local thespian playhouse. I truly believe someone went to their local bar after work and said "My brother just got this cool new digital camera. Ya'll wanna make a movie?". They must have spent the twenty they had for a budget on a twelve pack instead of expenses. Save your money, time or bandwidth and watch Conan the Barbarian for the fiftieth time instead. Trust me, you'll be much more entertained and satisfied.

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• This is dark magic George. The darkest.

  nogodnomasters2017-09-26

  The medieval-like kingdom of Nazroth is annoyed by a CG fire breathing dragon. The king sends out his 12 best knights to kill the dragon, but due to budget constraints 8 are already dead and one falls off a cliff so we are down to three. No need to worry about the dead knight for long because a man who looks like a voodoo witch doctor brings him and other dead people back to life so we can have knights, zombies, and dragons. There are Sirens who don't sing and some female warriors. The worst scene was the inn/tavern also called "a bar" in the film. The dialogue, acting, and fight choreography was laughable. The whole film had a "so bad it was good quality." It includes Ed Wood type of snips of wild bears. Who gives their girlfriend a spear and tells her to go kill a bear? Don't worry dear, I'm right here in case you don't kill it armed with a knife? The zombies were called "fury", generally a better name for a dragon, which made it confusing when I first heard it. The village people become zombies, or fury and at times foot drag and other times sprint. Some use weapons, most do not, whatever Simon Wells felt like at the moment. The king was downright awful. And the really bad news is Simon thinks so much of this film he is making not one, but two sequels. Guide: No swearing sex or nudity.

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• Poor sound, lack of any attention to detail

  deane-213452017-10-20

  Unfortunately the production values of this overshadow any redeeming features of the plot (so much so that I couldn't find any). Most of the acting was wooden, with the exception of one or two of the main characters. Some of the effects were moderately good (notably the blood splatters), but the CGI dragon was not-so. The sound editor ought to be shot, with most of the dialogue being drowned out by the music or, when there is no music, too quiet to hear. When there is music, most of it is fitting - except for in the tavern, when some sort of silly pop ballad played (which, one would assume was being played by the bard at the inn, on his modern guitar). I also can't believe they were that worried about marking their furniture that they had green baize on the bottom of some of the cups. Fortunately, Cosmeston medieval village pulled off the best and most authentic bits of the setting, but sadly the castle that features towards the end has far too many modern fittings, lighting, cables and other acoutrements to make me take it seriously, at which point I just started laughing about how little attention to detail there was and the fact that the gardens were floodlit, and the corridors contained a gazillion uplighters. The odd use of some sort of Chinese spear by someone in western gear also stuck out as particularly jarring!

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