Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013) Reviews

• Time Is Cruel

  claudio_carvalho2014-05-14

  The pothead Ashton Crawford (Andrew James Allen) and his girlfriend Gretel (Molly Quinn) are smoking in her room special marijuana called Black Forest supplied by the drug dealer Manny (Eddy Martin) and produced by an old lady named Agnes (Lara Flynn Boyle) that lives in Pasadena. Gretel's brother Hansel (Michael Welch) arrives home and Gretel tells that she will bake gingerbread cookie while Ashton will go directly to Agnes to buy more Black Forest. However Agnes is a witch and captures Ash to eat his flesh and drain his youth to maintain youth. Gretel seeks her boyfriend out and suspects of Agnes, but the police officers Ritter (Lochlyn Munro) and Hart (Yancy Butler) do not give credit to her words since Ritter knows that Ash is a pothead. Meanwhile the gang that supplies weed to Manny learns that he is selling Black Forest to his costumers and they threaten him and their leader Jorge (Joe Ordaz) sends a message to Agnes through Manny. However, the drug dealer is turned into a zombie by Agnes and Jorge and his gang pay a visit to her and are also turned into zombies. Soon Gretel and Manny's girlfriend Bianca (Bianca Saad) decide to break into Agnes' house and they learn that she is a powerful witch. Meanwhile Hansel goes to Agnes 's house to look for his sister. "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is a horror dark comedy about a group of potheads and a group of drug dealers that have their lives entwined with a witch that sells weed. The politically incorrect theme might be funnier for teenage potheads but the plot is funny and the situations works reasonably well. I did not recognize Lara Flynn Boyle, one of the most gorgeous actresses until the turn of the century and now with a totally deformed face by plastic surgery the same way Melanie Griffith and Meg Ryan did. Now she is the witch without make-up. Time is cruel for everybody but it seems to be crueler for those that try to keep beauty and youth at any cost. I have also not recognized the beautiful Yancy Butler, but she is aging with dignity. My vote is six. Title (Brazil): "João, Maria e a Bruxa Da Floresta Negra" ("John, Mary and the Witch of the Black Forest")

• Was the youth thing suppose to be ironic?

  ihearthorrorfilm2013-02-24

  I am impressed that I made it through the entire movie. The sad part is that I think want kept me watching was Lara Flynn Boyle's face. I can't figure out if she got some kind of illness or if she just went crazy with the plastic surgery, but either way, its sad and hard to stop staring. Back to the crapfest of a movie, about an old lady who lures teenagers to her house by selling them weed and then of course, she kills and eats them to regain her youth. This movie was a total snooze fest. I thought it was going to be funny, it wasn't. I also thought it might be a little scary, not even a little. Definitely pass on this on unless you're curious to see Lara's new face.

• Great movie title, but the actual movie was only mediocre...

  paul_haakonsen2013-08-12

  This is the second alternate twist on the Hansel & Gretel fairytale in movie form that I have seen today. Two very different interpretations indeed, where the other was gory and bloody, then this is more laid back and has a darker comedy twist to it. "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is about the siblings Hansel (played by Michael Welch) and Gretel (played by Molly C. Quinn) who end up having to fight for their lives against the witch Agnes (played by Lara Flynn Boyle) - just as in the fairytale. However, the witch here is using weed to lure in the youngsters, not candy. Well, I will say that this was a rather radical approach to the fairytale that we all know. And a rather bold approach, I might add. But still, it worked out well alright as director Duane Journey managed to pull it of nicely enough. However, for a comedy, then there weren't that many laughs about in this movie. There was comedy yes, but it was more sort of a subtle and perversely, dark, twisted type of comedy that might just not suit everyone. I mean, for example, the witch Agnes here turned out to have a Nazi background - where did that just come from? And also the deal with the zombies? I didn't fully grasp that concept, and mind you that I am a huge zombie aficionado, but they just didn't feel at home in this particular movie. "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is an enjoyable movie because of its radical take on the classic fairytale. But the movie just never really excelled and stood out of mediocrity. It is good for a single watching if you are looking for something simple to watch and just unhook your mind. On the plus side, for a semi-stoner movie, then I will say that "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" actually fared a lot better than many other comedies in the stoner genre. I noticed Cary Elwes was listed on the starting credits, but somehow I failed to catch him in the movie. Where exactly was he?

• My Review Of "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked"

  ASouthernHorrorFan2013-02-19

  "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is horror/comedy directed by Duane Journey which stars Lara Flynn Boyle, Michael Welch, Molly C. Quinn, Edward Zo and Bianca Saad. Actually there are a lot of cool lesser known actors in the film that have some cool moments on screen but for me the story focused more with Lara Flynn Boyle's fun and comfortable portrayal of a stoner witch who eats kids to maintain her youthful beauty. The story is as you would guess a modern day retelling of the classic Grimm story. Quite frankly I cannot believe it took this long to make this sort of movie because it just seems that the pot community and the story of Hansel & Gretel where meant for each other especially as seen in this film. Also don't let the comedy part through you off because this isn't one of those funny flicks that relies heavily on the spoof shtick blatant puns. The humor here only comes from the simple and expected funny sh*t that stoner films are known for. Mostly this film stays with a classic 80's homage horror theme complete with gory effects, creepy build-ups and dark chilling overtures. The story is simple and interesting leading into this sticky, gooey tale of a witch that lures children into her home so that she may eat them. Only this witch is the kind that you would really want to get high with and Lara Flynn Boyle plays the part perfectly. The slight nuances and interactions between her and other characters made it obvious that she enjoyed playing this role. The characters of Hansel and Gretel are also pretty believable on screen. The story manages to be witty and smart with plenty of representations from the classic fairy tale present but in a very fresh concept. I mean seriously it seems as if this story should have been a no brainer years ago. I have to say if anyone dares to see any movie with "Hansel & Gretel" in the title make it this one! It manages to be a fun original spin on the concept without seeming hokey, plus the elements of horror are far more impressing than you may expect. It manages to use a darker wicked humor which brought the funny without the ridiculous. I plan to add this flick to my 4.20 celebration as the final piece on my day of horror to get high with!

• Worst movie of 2013.

  longo-gabriele-922014-03-03

  I saw a poster of this movie in a mall: there was a gingerbread man smoking a blunt, and I thought it was cute and funny. I decided to give this movie a chance. During the first ten minutes, the movie seems the typical horror-oriented (well, this is what it aims for; it obviously misses its point) comedy written by a pair of pubescent 13-year old boys. You know, boobs, weed, bad jokes and even worse music. But no, oh no, it gets much worse. The plot is dull, the acting is awful, the characters are the stereotypical boneheads you find in each and every bad horror movie: the hot blonde, the ghetto girl, the stupid hunk and the smart geek. Wow. Brilliant. I can't even begin to describe how awful this movie is. Maybe that's what the producers wanted? Making a parody of an actual film? If, as I previously stated, you're a 13 year old boy who likes weed, energy drinks, bad jokes and centerfolds, congrats: you can survive watching this movie. To everyone else, there are many better things you can do to fill this hour and a half. Take a walk, bake a pie, I don't know. Don't waste your time on this!