A Perfect Vacation (2015) Reviews

• Chronically stupid and in dire need of brain transplant

  quincytheodore2015-07-17

  Five minutes into the movie, there's a random girl who falls three feet into the ground and breaks her neck. Then Vinnie Jones calls out how silly it is while the girl is literally looking like she's been run over by a truck. At this point you know Awaken doesn't play by any boundary of normal logic, nearly everything about it is either badly written or simply so bizarre, it becomes a legit comedy. Story follows a group of people stranded on an island like they are in poorly made survival reality show. Eventually they realize that there is an organization that harvests their organs. Now this premise already presents a dilemma in first act. These are supposedly rare individuals, and yet they are tossed into a random island rather than a simple jail. The mafia gets mad if these people are hurt or try to escape, even though those are the most possible outcomes. There's even a debate to select victim by their chi, since positive outlook on life fundamentally affects the organ. In one occasion a guy engages in gunfight, runs out of bullet, then decides to sprint across the yard and reload in front of the other guy's face. These are just few of the oddities. If that doesn't deter you, the acting will. Main female lead is looking like she's auditioning for America Next Top Model. She almost exclusively wears one icy expression. It's unsure if she's mad or sad, but damn does she look sternly stoic and ready for camera. None of the acting or writing is remotely believable. Other characters just seem shoehorned for the most awkward effect. The editing is choppy and creates unintentionally funny scenes, not that the pace is structured in the first place anyway. I could have listed the plot holes, and the space for reviews wouldn't be enough. If anything, Awaken is so silly, it may just work as an ironic comedy.

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• What were they thinking?

  ngram-042852015-09-25

  I often wonder what motivates someone to make a movie that is this awful. It can't be money because I can't, in my wildest dreams, envision this straight to video travesty earning enough to even pay the extras salaries let alone the former A-list actors turned C-list losers. Everything about this waste of film is bad. The camera work looks likes it was done by a tweaker with ADHD, he skips from face to face with no rhyme or reason. The fight choreography was obviously done by someone who has never been in an actual fight. And the acting, if you can call it that, is only surpassed in its hideousness by the direction, which reminds me of something from one of those 60's biker exploitation movies. Hannah and Furlong should quit while they are behind. I mean, I still had somewhat fond memories of previous films they played in, like Splash and Detroit Rock City, but those memories are forever tainted by the 90 minutes of stupidity that was Awaken. Pare and Davi have always been second rate actors and this movie confirmed that they have now joined the ranks of 3rd rate actors like Natalie Burn, who by the way, should be deported back to Ukraine before she attempts to act again. Vinnie Jones was the only reason I watched it as long as I did, but even he couldn't save Awaken from being the worst film of the new century.

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• A clearly lobotomized cast, crew and writer

  Smithius12012015-11-08

  This charade starts with strangers waking up on a beach with no recollection of how they arrived and goes rapidly downhill but never recovers. It is a very basic story of bad guys stealing human organs from unwilling donors for the rich. The acting (and I use the term very loosely) is awful throughout. The supposed heroin is a skinny armed woman who would likely struggle to knock over a hat stand let alone out-muscle trained mercenaries twice her size and strength, her leadership is unbelievable over the weakly portrayed men of her little group and her tacky saluting of a dead comrade is the icing on the cake of her over-baked character. The mercenaries are idiots with poor training and absolutely no field craft skills or common sense plus the fight scenes with Vinnie Jones are absolutely terrible and unrealistic. The bad guy is pathetic and weak as he fails to control even the goonish mercenaries whilst his sidekick (the heroin's sister) could have been played by any spoilt, bitch faced teen. The double agent in the field portrayed by Robert Davi, a former bond villain (a massive fall from grace) was predictable and tacky but the so-called "SAS" soldier was an insult to the British Army cadets under 6s group, never mind the real SAS. He was unconvincing, weak and pathetic in all aspects from the uniform (which SAS wouldn't be wearing) to the body language and onto the horrendous dialogue. The crescendo for the bad cast and acting was the introduction of Daryl Hannah as a villainess. She was just, well... awful. One and a half hours of life wasted watching this tripe.

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• Just awful

  blackwell42015-12-18

  I can't believe that inattention to common sense detail. Really awful direction. Very poorly crafted fight scenes. Awful tactics. Fingers inside trigger guards. Movements around corners like sleep walkers. Stupid stupid action. Could this movie really make money? How could people stranded on an island have such good hair? How was it possible that a guy on the island head was perfectly shaved every day for weeks? What is up with those pants on the protagonist ? Are we supposed to believe the pants just got ripped that way? And why was she wearing dog tags? She was never in the military? HIRE ME! I would provide the REAL LIFE direction to make this thing believable. Dear sweet Jesus, please please please, no one ever hire this director or writer again!

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• Garbage

  cumpeled2016-07-03

  Luckily I was able to catch this one on cable, for free. I can not imagine having to have paid for this garbage and waste of reel and time. wow.. some 'once upon a time actors' like Daryl Hannah and Ed Furlong have really been desperate for work lately. Both seem to be grasping for any part the can secure. Second movie recently where you see Daryl Hannah play an overweight psychopath (poorly). Yet another movie where the main character (Billie) who was 'home trained' by her dad how to fight, manages to take out high ranking, special forces trained, killing machine military boys with just her fists and kicks that daddy taught her. Right. Pathetically unrealistic. Should have been an animated cartoon, not a movie. Place it at the bottom of your 'to watch' list, because that is where it belongs.

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